February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month (TDVAM), a national effort focused on educating youth, parents, and communities to stop dating violence. We here at Morrison Child and Family Services work with teens and families to recognize healthy relationships and provide help to those who need it.  

For many, the signs of a toxic relationship don’t look like a dramatic movie scene. They can be far more subtle, like a vibrating phone you’re afraid to answer. Or being told what to wear, who to talk to, and how to act — all under the guise of “care” or “protection.” If “love” has started to feel like walking on eggshells, it’s time to talk about what’s actually happening behind the screen.  

In a world of “Find My Friends” and constant DMs, the line between romantic and real-time surveillance has gotten dangerously thin. This month is about more than just awareness; it’s about reclaiming your space. Whether you’re navigating a relationship for the first time or trying to get out of a cycle that feels impossible to break, you deserve a connection that respects your boundaries, not one that breaks them.  

As we recognize Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, we’re looking past the heart emojis to the red flags that actually matter. We’ve compiled a detailed rundown to help you know what to watch out for in a relationship.  

The “Red Flag” Reality Check  

If your relationship feels more like a full-time job than a partnership, pay attention to these modern warning signs: 

1. The “Digital Leash”: A partner shouldn’t need your Instagram password to “build trust.” If they get angry when you don’t text back within a few minutes, or if they’re constantly checking your “Recently Deleted” folder, that isn’t love – it’s surveillance. 
2. Love Bombing: High-risk relationships often start with extreme intensity. If they’re saying “I love you” after three days, talking about a “future together” after a week, or trying to move in immediately, they might be trying to anchor you before you see who they really are. 
3. The “Slow Fade” Isolation: Does your partner make snide comments about your family or guilt-trip you for spending time with anyone but them? Their goal might be to get you alone so they are your only source of support. If you’re losing your village, you’re losing your exit strategy.  

Is it just bickering? 

Conflict is normal. Fear is not. If you find yourself scrolling back through texts to make sure you didn’t say something that will trigger an argument, or if you feel a pit in your stomach when their name pops up on your screen, that is your body telling you something is wrong. 

When you’re in a high-risk situation, “just leaving” isn’t always as simple as it sounds. You need a strategy that prioritizes your safety right now, even if you aren’t ready to break up yet. Here is an example of a safety plan: 

1. Pick a code word: Pick one or two people you really trust and share a code word with them. Establish an understanding that if you text that code, they will either come get you, or call you with a “family emergency” so you have an excuse to leave. 
2. The Digital “Paper Trail”: If things are getting intense over text or DMs, screenshot conversations and store them safely in a hidden folder.  
3. Check Your Tech: Abuse often hides in the settings of your phone. Periodically check:  
   1. Location Sharing: Are you sharing your location with them on Find My, Snap Maps, or Life360? 
   2. Logged-in Devices: Check your Instagram/TikTok settings to see if your account is logged in on a device that isn’t yours. 
   3. Air Tags: If they ever “found” you somewhere they shouldn’t have known you were, check your bag or car for an AirTag or similar tracker.

If you’re researching how to leave or looking up resources, use Incognito/Private mode. This ensures your search history doesn’t tip them off that you’re planning a move.  

Love is Respect: Text “LOVEIS” to 22522 – an extension of the National Domestic Violence Hotline – to talk to anonymous advocate, as high-risk teens often can’t speak safely on the phone.